Entry 2 β’ May 3rd 2025
Dear Diary,
I've been procrastinating writing in here for a while... 
April has been a bit of an unpredictable month for me, sadly. This past week has been slightly better and easier, though. β₯οΈ I am thankful for the little things, and thankful for my fiancΓ© who helps me through practically everything γ ! 
I had a psychological assessment on the 5th of April, I was mildly catatonic and had an extreme flat effect... 
It was not the best day for me, but I am being referred to a separate therapy clinic. I am still with the psychosis unit, as I am very unstable, especially recently. π€ I then had another session with my care-coordinator on the 23rd, right after my disability payment meeting γSo many meetings, right? 
γ in which I described my recent breakdowns, delusional episodes ect. The nurse told me I seemed to be getting worse if anything, and expressed concern for me needing to possibly be admitted to a psychiatric ward. (/ /ΰΌΰΌ `) ....
She also noticed my physical health being worse, so she booked me in to have another physical checkup, which I had last Monday. 
The nurse who does my physicals is very gentle and sweet. β₯οΈ I had all the basics done; blood test, BMI and blood pressure. My BMI is underweight, and my blood pressure was higher than normal γmy blood test has not come back yet.γ I went to the hospital today because my breathing has been messed up. 
I got given a mask to take medicine through, which I am supposed to be on for a month. 
If I get better with it, they're going to do more tests to see if I have chronic breathing problems. If not, they'll do other tests and put me on different medication. I might have to go back there for joint problems, my care-coordinator said I may have hypermobilility and suspected I have hEDS. 
β Easter
Easter is always a funny holiday for me. π Sometimes it's just like any other day for me, other times it's a quaint day that I use for painting. This year was a painting year, and I painted eggs with my fiancΓ©. He's no good at painting at all γsaid affectionatelyγ but his egg made me laugh. We named them too, his was very vulgar, mine was just... Megg. It made us laugh though, and we ended up cooking and eating them the following morning. β₯οΈ
I've been rambling a lot this week about things.. Specifically inγbrain issues and Angelology, funnily enough. I adore curating my beliefs properly, I don't fancy labels, but I infrequently either associate with Buddhist or Agnostic beliefs. Neither of those are really true, I sort of have my own religion that is based off of my own experiences and devotion. 
I suppose I do believe in a God, of sorts, a higher, incomprehensible being. I believe in angels, spirits, and reincarnation. And I believe that the actions you perform in this life affect your next one. I try not to ramble too much, as I have extreme religious psychosis, and I can and will trigger myself accidentally by info dumping about my religion or my beliefs.. ^^; But religion is a big part of my life. Perhaps due to trauma... but either way, it affects me greatly. I despise those who claim I am "blasphemous". I am not! I am devoted to my God, and perhaps, it is not the same as yours? ποΈ