Entry 4 β’ July 5th 2025
Dear Diary ...
This months entry will probably not have that much decor.. ^^; I find it kind of time-consuming to decorate entries. 
June was very busy for me, I was in and out of hospital for a while. My physical health got worse, meaning I have to attend physio, and in my first appointment, my Dr told me I need to be screened for autoimmune diseases. I was also set up for assessments for other issues, POTS, fibromyalgia EDS ect. Everything previously mentioned to me before. I suppose their theorising needed an answer sooner rather than later. It's also confirmed by my physiotherapist that I have hypermobility. I've been contemplating asking for a wheelchair later on down the line. To use ambulatorily.
I also came off of my antipsychotics. Seroquel made me so tired and zombie-like, even my family was worried. So worried they pulled me to the side and asked if it was healthy for me to stop. I did, and I felt better, less tired and less moody. I told my coordinator and she's booked me for another appointment to change medications. Apparently they want to see how I do on antipsychotics before sending me to a place that specialises in CBT. I'm unsure if medications work on me very well, my brain chemistry is a bit messed up. But, hopefully, I will be slightly better on the new medication they put me on, whatever it may be. There is a lot of cult talk on Twitter, which is triggering me a bit. I keep feeling like God is watching my every move and I am being punished for not worshipping God correctly, or that I need to carve crosses into my body again. And I'm hating mirrors again. Looking at myself feels wrong. Weird. I don't look like myself. I look like a corpse, again.
It doesn't matter though. 
I should be moving very soon. 2 months. That's the timeframe they gave my partner. I will be finally out of this house... I don't know how to feel. It's scary but it's also very freeing.. There's a lot of feelings surrounding it. I hope my life will become a bit more stable after this. I'm excited to decorate, clean, live in my own house, my own space... Nobody hurting me anymore. No more moving across the world, being pushed into strangers homes or feeling terrified every time I wake up. I don't know, it's strange. Part of me doesn't want to end this but at the same time...
Here's to July. I hope it's good. β₯οΈ